AFFLECKNOPHOBIA

With Baleful fear, the geeks are up in arms.
Their thumbs are drawn, they’ve tweeted their alarms.
A certain Oscar winner has been cast
As Batman 6.0, and just as fast
Has come the comic fans’ response.
At any sign of blasphemy they pounce.
Ben knows full well the superhero game —
Although his Daredevil turned out rather lame.
He even played a Superman, George Reeves,
So time alone will tell what he achieves
When he puts on the famous cape and cowl.
But still the fanboys have been crying foul.
Some worry that his voice will be too odd,
A Southie spahking wahs in Hahvahd Yahd.
Some fret he’ll be a bit too touchy-feely,
Less caped crusader than spandexed Gigli.
The Sum of All their Fears: that he’s too leaden
To be an action hero. Armageddon
And Pearl Harbor duly credited,
And also Tweeted, Facebooked, Reddited,
This casting news has jumped to Def-Con 4.

Such battyhoo has reared its head before.
Heath Ledger, rest his soul, was just some joke
From Knight’s Tale and a certain go-for-Broke-
Back gay romance until the fateful day
He overcame his doubters’ vain dismay.
He nailed a villain so delirious,
And with his grimace wide, so serious,
He even earned an Oscar for his work.
Do all those early carpers feel like jerks?

Perhaps no star is worthy of the tights.
From Adam West to Michael Keaton, rights
To play beloved characters are few.
They’ll cavil Henry Cavill till they’re blue.
They’ll nitpick every detail, all the odd beats
Of plot, every nippled suit and codpiece.
The quibblers will be angry, objections broad.
(Is Superman allowed to murder Zod?)
But passions wain, and so will this intrigue.
At least until they greenlight Justice League.

 

 

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